Archive for the ‘Death to Gophers’ Category

L. Ron Hubbard Has a Gopher Problem

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I lost my mind. All the manual labor and sun has fried what’s left of my brain. You’re right, but not about this.

L. Ron is one of my garden beds. All of my garden beds are named after famous red heads. It’s very logical. Tomatoes are usually red (though most of mine aren’t) and the beds should honor my tomatoes in some abstract way. Anyway, back to the Hubbard problem. L Ron contains some of my top performing young tomato plants. All of them were well over four feet tall when I planted them. As of yesterday, three out of five of the plants are struggling but alive and two are…dare I say…bound for the compost bin. Ask for him tomorrow and you will find him a grave man. (Name that bastardized¬†Shakespeare.) The root of the problem is at the root of the plant. L. Ron Hubbard is infested with GOPHERS and they are happily munching away at my beautiful giant tomato plants. I am struggling with an organic gopher control method that doesn’t involve Chaos digging up my beds to get to the little bastards so yesterday, I flooded the hole. I doubt it worked but it made me feel better to picture the families of gophers running for their lives as their homes are flooded.

In case you were wondering about the bed names, most of the cast of characters walk a fine line between good and evil, depending on where you stand on the religious, historical and political spectrum.  Some of my favorites are:

Napoleon (the shortest bed)

Lucile Ball

Lizzie Borden (our longest bed, took lots of cuts to create)

Thomas Jefferson

Judas Iscariot

Galileo Galilei

Winston Churchill

Vladimir Lenin

Willie Nelson


Oliver Cromwell

Margaret Sanger…

And more

Why go through all the trouble to name the beds? It’s educational. After we named Lucy, I sat the kids down in front of YouTube and we watched old episodes of I love Lucy. Now they love Lucy, too. Every time we plant, there’s a quiz or a fact-finding mission. And it makes gardening all the more fun.