Release the Kracken!

We have a little problem with security at the ranch. The last renters were dope growers and the back road has been basically uninhabited therefore, we get unwanted visitors. Usually, we find an assortment of people on the back road, sometimes, they are silly kids who apologize with hat in had. Sometimes, they’re cracked out junkies who make fun of Dave’s hat.

I don’t know what they have against the hat.

We have a back road, that splits off of the “main road”, if you can call the dirt road a main road, and eventually runs behind the house. We’re the first house on the road so there’s no one to notice when people take a little trip up the road and hide behind the bushes. We put a locked cable on the road in such a way that it’s difficult, though still possible to get onto the road but that didn’t seem to stop the trespassers. There’s also a second road that runs off the back road and despite our highly technologically advanced barricade, that consisted of a T stake driven into the ground at a 30 degree angle  so it would lodge itself into the undercarriage of a car, someone still drove their car up the road.I don’t know if they know they’re missing an oil pan but clearly, they have more determination than our early ice age technology can handle.

You may wonder why I care. We aren’t using that part of the property and no one really goes back there but they leave trash and other sundry items. Used condoms and McDonald’s trash are strewn on my property. The bastards were….oh, never mind, the kids read this. You know what they were doing. I’m just not super hip to picking up other people’s trash, especially if it’s a bio-hazard. I’m also a little concerned that someone is going to ash out the window and light the hillside on fire.

After the last time someone dumped trash, I told Dave that I thought we should put up gates at the roads. Of course, who has the time for that. Our solution (Dave’s really) is another barricade. So Dave loaded up the truck with his rakes and shovels and other implements of destructions and proceeded to drag some large trees to the road.

Then he felled some bigger trees across the road:

Those trees will kick your ass. Let me see you drive your Supras over that bitches! Sorry, I got carried away with the excitement of seeing a Chevy S-10 high centered on the trees. If this barricade doesn’t work we’re building a moat and filling it with alligators. Then we’re putting up Gestapo style fences with concertina wire and behind that, a Kracken. Or maybe just Chaos, who is a Kracken in her own right.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Moo on October 6, 2010 at 18:17

    oky…….. To other people that read this: It is 100% TRUE.


  2. This made me laugh SO hard! All of your posts make me laugh, actually. Thank you for that, since Parsons is no laughing matter. Those a-holes. Anyways, keep up the funnies and I am fully prepared to head out to that back road barefoot, with a baby on my hip, and a shotgun in the other hand and tell those hooligans “y’all better beat it if you know what’s good for you! GIT!! GIT!!!”
    I should sleep, I’m clearly delirious.


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